How to judge a hotel (rewritten)
by Mental Typist
Summary: REWRITTEN VERSION. "VOOOOOIIII! WHAT'S THE PASSWORD OF THE WIFI!" "S-sir, w-we don't have wifi..." "VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" One-shot! Rated T just in case


**Edit 4-17-14: I just noticed my lack of line breaks o.e it really did make everything hard to read but I've already fixed it ;)**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything :x

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The Vongola's independent assassination squad returned to the five-star hotel they were staying at as soon as they completed their mission.

Squalo and Mammon retreated back to their shared room with no complaints (with the exception of Squalo's loud yells) while Bel stabbed Fran with his knives all the way back to theirs. Lussuria was checking himself out on a mirror while dragging a protesting Levi towards their shared room while Xanxus had all but kicked down his door and sat himself down on his throne-like chair (which had mysteriously followed him all the way from Italy) and took a filled wine-glass from the table beside him.

"Scum," he called out to particularly no one, since he knew that his guardians could hear him perfectly. "Get someone to fix this door." He ordered before downing the contents of the wineglass and throwing it out the doorframe, managing to hit the back of Levi's head.

The room arrangements were made us such because of issues between the guardians like how no one could stand each other at all without trying to rip out each one's throats. Xanxus definitely would need a room of his own otherwise there might be like a thousand shattered wine-glasses and maybe burnt walls if he had a roommate for even just one night.

Mammon typed on his phone as Squalo packed away useless things.

"Ne Squalo," Mammon said. Squalo simply grunted as a form of reply. "Do you know the Wi-Fi password? I know I can just hack it but it's too much work, and no one's paying me to."

It had never crossed Squalo's mind that he wouldn't know the Wi-Fi password of the hotel he was staying at. He threw open the door and spotted a teenage boy leaning against the wall across his own room, tapping away on his touch-screen phone. Squalo marched over to the boy and yelled.

"VOOOOOOOOOOIIIII! TELL ME THIS PLACE'S WIFI PASSWORD!" He ordered loudly. The startled boy nearly dropped his phone. He flattened his back against the wall.

"SPEAK, I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY. HURRY UP OR I'LL SLICE YOU OPEN." He threatened, making sure that they kid saw his sharp sword clearly. The kid shrieked.

"T-they don't have Wi-Fi!"

"VOI. WHAT DID YOU SAY?" growled Squalo in a low and dangerous voice.

The teen squeaked and flinched as the strategy captain of Varia brought the sharp edge of his sword dangerously close to his neck.

"MAMMON! SOME KID OUT HERE SAYS THIS PLACE HAS NO WI-FI!" he called into the room. Mammon floated out to see a teenage boy failing at trying to become part of the wallpaper behind him. To the boy, he just saw a creepy-looking baby clad in dark clothes and a hood float with a halo that looked suspiciously like a snake above his head holding an expensive-looking phone.

"Stop screwing around, kid." The baby said. The teen nearly fainted. "There clearly is. It's even password-protected." The baby held out his phone with the screen facing him.

"T-that's not f-from the h-h-hotel, i-it's f-from the b-building across."

"WHAT?" the two weird people (actually he wasn't sure if they were even people) demanded at the same time. In Squalo's case, there was more than just that.

"VOOOOOOOOIIII! AND YOU CALL THIS A DAMNED FIVE-STAR HOTEL?! IT'S JUST A PIECE OF TRASH!"

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Bel-senpai, I'm going to the bathroom so can I flush your knives down there?" Fran who was looking much like a cactus at the moment, courtesy of Bel, asked in a monotone.

"Hmm…" Bel pretended to think for a while. "No." he snapped. "Give them back to me."

But Fran was already pulling out knives from his back and hat and throwing them carelessly across the room towards Bel's direction.

A tick mark appeared on Bel's face.

"Stupid froggy kouhai, if you pick those up and give them to me in a civilized manner, the prince may still forgive you."

"No way, stupid fake prince. You're not even royalty."

"Ka-ching."

Fran gulped slightly. He pulled out the knives from his back and set them on the bed. He stuck out his tongue at Bel. "Get them yourself." He said and quickly made his escape towards the direction of the bathroom. He made sure to lock the door before proceeding about his business.

He was humming the tune of Special Illusion while taking a dump when he heard a skittering noise. Much to his horror, a cockroach was climbing on the sink in front of him towards the ceiling. He also noticed some under the sink. He swallowed.

'_Well I hope they're not in for flying lessons today.' _He cursed nature for making him have to answer to its call while the roaches were active.

The cockroaches were coming out from under the sink now, and the first one had already reached its destination and looked just about ready to take flight.

'_Don't fly. Don't fly. Don't fly.' _

The roach's wings fluttered. Then it shot off the ceiling like a rocket.

'_Damn.'_

Not wanting to wait and see what would happen next, he engulfed himself in a thick layer of mist. When it dissipated, Fran was gone, along with the toilet. If Bel was surprised about Fran reappearing in the room with his bottom still glued to the toilet seat, he didn't show it. Instead, he laughed.

"Ushishishi. What are you doing, stupid frog?" he asked, clearly still annoyed but seeming to have calmed down quite a bit.

The usually expressionless Fran scowled. "This place could use a roach motel,"

A wide, crazy grin spread across Bel's face. His hands already held dozens of knives.

"Ushishishi. Looks like there's some bug extermination needed here." He said as he approached the bathroom.

An annoying (to Fran) voice suddenly spoke in his head.

"_Oya oya, I didn't think you were afraid of vermin worthless student of mine."_ Fran could practically hear the smirk as Mukuro spoke.

"It was flying." Fran said out loud emotionlessly.

"_So I've heard,"_ Mukuro said disdainfully. _"I should use them against you."_

_~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~_

Levi was currently in his and Lussuria's shared hotel room building a shrine for Xanxus when Lussuria walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe.

"Mou Levi-chan, the boss won't be pleased if an elite Varia officer comes back from a mission and shows up to him with bloodstains on his uniform." The man scolded as soon as he caught sight of the lightning guardian. Said guardian immediately scowled.

"The Varia is not about cleanliness of the uniform! It's about how many people you assassinate!"

"Hm…maybe, if you put it that way. After all, we _are_ an assassination squad. But no one will respect you if you walk around while showing off that you're a murderer."

"I don't care!" he stood up. "I'm going to boss's room!"

"Boss will just kick you out, Levi-chan. And you still haven't gotten someone to fix his door."

"Hah? Whose job was it to get someone to repair boss's door?!" he objected hotly. "It isn't a guest's task to repair a broken hotel door!"

"You say that, but it is your responsibility as the boss's right-hand man." That sentence squashed Levi's argument flat in an instant.

_Meanwhile…_

A housekeeper was passing Xanxus' door.

"Scum," His deep scathing voice growled lowly. "Bring me some quality steak and wine." A bottle rolled to the housekeeper's feet. "That brand tastes like hell. Get me your best wine. And fix this damned door."

If it had been any other man ordering the housekeeper, he would have requested politely to order room service. However this was no mere man. And if looks could kill, the housekeeper would have been goo the moment he passed the man's door. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't about to turn into goo any moment soon so he couldn't weasel his way out of this.

"O-of course, s-sir," The man quickly picked up the empty bottle and scurried away to do what he'd been ordered. A little while later, the housekeeper came back with the wine and steak. Xanxus took one bite of the steak and spat.

"What the hell is this?! I asked for quality steak, not some meat that tastes like hell!" the man quivered.

"B-b-but s-sir, that w-was a-already our best…!" the man protested weakly. He shrank when Xanxus glared at him.

"When I say quality," the man squeaked at the menacing voice. "I mean QUALITY. I can't believe anyone would serve this disgusting thing masquerading as steak. And your wine still tastes like crap. Are you even sure that this is the best a five-star hotel can offer?!" he demanded. "And what of the door? I thought it was clear when I told you to get this door fixed?"

"W-well, a-a-about the d-door," the man stuttered. "Another party has also asked that we fix your door. U-un-f-f-fortun-nately, n-no one is a-a-available as of the moment."

"What the _hell_ are you talking about? If you can't fix the door, then isn't it my privilege to switch to a different room?" the housekeeper withered under his fierce glare. He muttered something that Xanxus didn't quite hear but understood all the same.

"So you can't afford to let me switch rooms because the management's worried that I'll break another door?" the Varia boss suddenly laughed. "Don't worry," a crazed grin spread across his features. "I'll make sure to destroy EVERY. SINGLE. DOOR. IN THIS HOTEL. Or maybe I should do more than that?" the man squeaked as his knees turned to jelly.

Xanxus stood from his chair. The entire building was going to experience hell. Xanxus would make sure of that.

His jacket fluttered dramatically as he left the room. "Prepare yourselves." He proceeded to kick down his guardian's room doors. The costs didn't matter to them after all; all the paperwork would make their way to the Vongola Boss's office. Having two people in one room simply made it easier to get to his guardians.

-skip due to author's troll mode :P-

The next day, there was news about Japan's best hotel being burnt to the ground all over the country. No one died or got injured, but several staff was scarred for life.

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So I finally finished rewriting. I don't think it's all that different from the original but meh, I do see some changes.

As you can see I added in Xanxus and destroyed the hotel...credits to the reviewers **Guest** and **skylarkall****27** for that ;D

And I know I didn't do Levi's part very well...actually I didn't give him a problem AT ALL. That's just how bad my humor is :| anyway please tell me if I made any mistakes..I tend to be half-asleep when I'm typing eheh.

Anyway I will be taking down the older version after a few days...


End file.
